So ending a relationship makes people
reflect. I mean that's normal. And with the relationship I just left
Mrs. IdB and I kept saying "the beginning of the end," and stepping that
incident father and farther back closer and closer to the beginning of
the relationship until finally, Mrs. IdB pointed out to me the beginning
of the end was really when I learned to knit.
It was through knitting that I finally managed to escape from the
house and go interact with other adults who weren't constantly
gaslighting me or being gaslight by Fuckwit Ex.
It helped me be more confident because I could make things. I
could make useful pretty things and I loved it he couldn't prevent me
from doing it because there was no logical reason for him to object to
my sticks and string.
Don't get me wrong, he tried to object to my sticks and string
but the objections were so spurious as to be laughable so they failed.
Because of the time and location of my knitting group there was no way
Fuckwit Ex was going to extend himself to go straight instead of turn on
a regular basis so he wasn't driving me anywhere. As a result, Mrs. IdB
ended up being the person who drove me there every Monday. And we
decided to make that a required date; no cell phones, no laptops, no
distractions. We were going to sit across the table from each other and
interact if it killed us godamnit. It nearly did but you know what? It
worked. At first it was hard and awkward and sometimes a little bit
stilted but we started talking. Talking led to more talking which
eventually, over the course of several years led to realizations about
our lives and the abuse that we were suffering.
Only now do we realize that we were so afraid of Fuckwit Ex's
anger that we had not only started presenting a false facade to the
world because we were afraid of the consequences if we talked to people
outside of the relationship, we were doing the same thing with each
other. Even more sad, we were doing it for the same reason. We were
scared of his anger if we spoke the truth even to each other.
That anger eventually materialized but by then we didn't care that much any more.
So yeah, thanks to knitting, little loops of string around sticks, we are both free.