How Knitting Saved My Sanity and Helped End My Marriage

No really.

So ending a relationship makes people reflect. I mean that's normal. And with the relationship I just left Mrs. IdB and I kept saying "the beginning of the end," and stepping that incident father and farther back closer and closer to the beginning of the relationship until finally, Mrs. IdB pointed out to me the beginning of the end was really when I learned to knit.


It was through knitting that I finally managed to escape from the house and go interact with other adults who weren't constantly gaslighting me or being gaslight by Fuckwit Ex.


It helped me be more confident because I could make things. I could make useful pretty things and I loved it he couldn't prevent me from doing it because there was no logical reason for him to object to my sticks and string.


Don't get me wrong, he tried to object to my sticks and string but the objections were so spurious as to be laughable so they failed.





Because of the time and location of my knitting group there was no way Fuckwit Ex was going to extend himself to go straight instead of turn on a regular basis so he wasn't driving me anywhere. As a result, Mrs. IdB ended up being the person who drove me there every Monday. And we decided to make that a required date; no cell phones, no laptops, no distractions. We were going to sit across the table from each other and interact if it killed us godamnit. It nearly did but you know what? It worked. At first it was hard and awkward and sometimes a little bit stilted but we started talking. Talking led to more talking which eventually, over the course of several years led to realizations about our lives and the abuse that we were suffering.


Only now do we realize that we were so afraid of Fuckwit Ex's anger that we had not only started presenting a false facade to the world because we were afraid of the consequences if we talked to people outside of the relationship, we were doing the same thing with each other. Even more sad, we were doing it for the same reason. We were scared of his anger if we spoke the truth even to each other.


That anger eventually materialized but by then we didn't care that much any more.


So yeah, thanks to knitting, little loops of string around sticks, we are both free.

Why I'm Not a Parent

I spent today with a friend and her four-year-old. Wow am I tired. Don't get me wrong, the kid is cute and fun and her mother is totally a model of parenting. I interacted with her for maybe an hour of the several hours we were there.

The kid won. I'm a big girl but that little girl had stamina like whoa.

She just wore me down. It was like a play date rope-a-dope. I have no idea how parents do this. I just don't. Because I was pretty much just  reviving to react to her after about thirty minutes.

This is why I like knitting. It is quiet and doesn't run away. Sleep now. Blog more later.

It's the Weekend After Thanksgiving and I am Listening to Christmas Carols

Why? Because I do not work retail.


If I did I would already be fed up with Christmas cheer but as it happens I do not so I am not. Also, the songs are fun.

I make it a habit never to step foot out of my house on Black Friday unless I am forced to work so I missed all the fun time pepper spraying and riots although I'm confused as to why these things are news as they happen every fucking year.

But I amk finding the new and exciting hate for major national and international chain stores to be entertaining if for no other reason than it makes clear those people who are political thinkers and those people who are politically trendy.

The hate for major national chains is a trend. Anyone who expresses random hate for a national chain store can probably be dismissed as a political thinker. Why? Because national chain stores are not something that came as a result of a vast corporate conspiracy. Neither are they something that came about as a result of abject consumer stupidity.

They happen to be a fantastic business model that consumers like. So they shop there. It's the same reason that McDonald's is the most brand recognized fast food chain on earth. The are the same wherever you go so a Big Mac in Tiny Town, USA is a Big Mac in London and Moscow and Sydney. It works.

Also, those stores offer things that some local places can't like a steady job and long term advancement. Mom and Pop are going to give the store over to their son, not Bob the really amazing talent they hired out of high school.

You know what else they offer. Jobs. Big stores have a minimum number of staff that they must, by policy have at all times. As a result, the area where they open has a minimum number of jobs that must be filled from their community.

So maybe, the next time you hear someone whining about national chains you should mention some of these facts. If they keep whining they are probably not someone with whom you should be attempting to have a rational discussion.

Adulthood

I'm sure I'll figure it out at some point. Right? I mean, you would think just by dint of my age I would get it eventually. I could pay bills or do something rational with some left over money that we got unexpectedly but I am totally trying to convince myself that I don't need yet another pair of shoes.

Apparently I haven't reached the level of emotional maturity wherein I can avoid an internal temper tantrum from my id whenever I don't get what I want right away.

Full of Thanks

I'm not doing one of those "This is My Life," posts. I'm not. I'm not going to post about food or family because that is trite and you don't care. But there are things I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for the Queen performance at Live-Aid. I'm thankful I was old enough to be alive to see it and young enough that it was formative in my understanding of music and performance. To me, that moment was like church and Feddie Mercury was our priest.

I'm thankful for first world problems. I want a case for my Kindle and we can't afford it right now so I'm concerned that I'll drop said Kindle and be forced to go back to reading regular gasp books.

I am thankful for cute shoes and fat girl clothes.

I am thankful for Facebook and cell phones so that I can wish a bunch of people Happy Gluttony Day without having to talk to them. Because I know a lot of people and even a five minute conversation is going to eat into my life.


I'm thankful for whatever clever little proto-human picked up a feather or a flower or whatever and decided that it needed to go in the hair somehow and thus invented accessorizing.

LOOK AT THIS HAT

I want it!

Also this one.

Shut up. I do too need two red wool hats in Florida.

I am thankful for pets. 'Cause even though I don't have one right now I remember what it was like to be the bipedal food deliver system. They seem to like that.

I am thankful for Netflix, which I will not go watch until I fall into a food coma.

Happy Gluttony Day youse guys.

Take Your Guilt Bell...

...and shove it up your ass.

The Salvation Army bell ringers are out in full force as of Friday. I hate them, not in a personal way. I understand that people don't have a lot of choices job-wise right now. I do not begrudge anyone their pay check. Make your paper, people.

But the Salvation Army itself. Yeah, them I hate. I feel comfortable in this hatred because they hated me first and they hate me more. They couch it in friendly language but they aren't fooling anyone.

The Salvation Army holds a positive view of human sexuality. Where a man and a woman love each other, sexual intimacy is understood as a gift of God to be enjoyed within the context of heterosexual marriage. However, in the Christian view, sexual intimacy is not essential to a healthy, full, and rich life. Apart from marriage, the scriptural standard is celibacy.

Sexual attraction to the same sex is a matter of profound complexity. Whatever the causes may be, attempts to deny its reality or to marginalize those of a same-sex orientation have not been helpful. The Salvation Army does not consider same-sex orientation blameworthy in itself. Homosexual conduct, like heterosexual conduct, requires individual responsibility and must be guided by the light of scriptural teaching.Scripture forbids sexual intimacy between members of the same sex. The Salvation Army believes, therefore, that Christians whose sexual orientation is primarily or exclusively same-sex are called upon to embrace celibacy as a way of life. There is no scriptural support for same-sex unions as equal to, or as an alternative to, heterosexual marriage.

Likewise, there is no scriptural support for demeaning or mistreating anyone for reason of his or her sexual orientation. The Salvation Army opposes any such abuse.

In keeping with these convictions, the services of The Salvation Army are available to all who qualify, without regard to sexual orientation. The fellowship of Salvation Army worship is open to all sincere seekers of faith in Christ, and membership in The Salvation Army church body is open to all who confess Christ as Savior and who accept and abide by The Salvation Army’s doctrine and discipline.

Scriptures: Genesis 2:23-24; Leviticus 18:22; Mark 2:16-17; Romans 1:26-27; Romans 5:8; I Corinthians 6:9-11; I Corinthians 13; Galatians 6:1-2; I Thessalonians 4:1-8; I Thessalonians 5:14-15; I Timothy 1:15-16; Jude 7

Who among my readers is a far of the West Wing? 

I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? (Pause) While thinking about that, can I ask another? My chief of staff, Leo McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important, because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing. While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building when the president stands, nobody sits.

In other words, two thousand year old books aren't hard to cherry pick to support whatever position the speaker happens to hold. Further, one of the most common marriage vows; “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me,” is spoken by one woman to another woman. These people need to read their fucking book cover to cover instead of picking and choosing like it’s a menu and a Chinese restaurant.

No you can't have my money and I'll try not to force your bell ringers to suffer my disdain. I probably won't succeed but I will try. 

Why Are People Surprised?

Rush Limbaugh called the First Lady uppity. OK technically he said of the NASCAR fans who booed her and Jill Biden, "They understand it's a little bit of uppity-ism."  So yeah, he called her uppity.

Now, let's get past the sad, pathetic attempts to deflect attention from what Limbaugh might have meant. Because he meant to say that Mrs. Obama is uppity. Don't kid yourself and most of all don't kid me. I know a dog whistle when I hear it.

At some point we're going to ask ourselves why this is acceptable in our day and age, aren't we? Rush hates Mrs. Obama because of her race. I mean, her husband's political vies help too but a lot of the attacks are racially based. In 2011, uppity is still something that a professional person with a public job says out loud.

And people are acting shocked; as if Rush Limbaugh saying something horrifying is a new phenomenon. It is, in fact, his bread and butter.

But there is something that we can do. Honestly I think it's something that everyone has a responsibility to do and it's long past time we started doing it.

Learn to speak the following sentence: What you just said was racist. Then refuse to back down or apologize for it. You know racist things when you hear them. You also know, because I assume that you live in the world, that people will do almost anything to avoid taking responsibility for their racist comments. Don't let them. It might behoove you to learn this sentence as well. You know that it was racist. That is why you said it. The best possible thing you can do in this situation is let people twist in the discomfort of their own words until they learn or go the fuck away.

Be part of the solution.

Organized Sports are to War...

...what pornography is to sex.I heard that on one of the TED Talks and it always resonated with me.

From the time they are young, we encourage athletes to push themselves harder and harder. We tell them to push through the pain and shake off injuries. We look at athletes in sports movies or television shows who bleed to win. We call those people heroes. What's more, we call the coaches and the parents who train them to do those things and allow them to be trained to do those things role models.

But that's not true. Athletes aren't heroes. Athletes are modern gladiators and their parents and coaches are modern day lanista who profit from the bodies of their slaves. Go bigger, push harder,shake off the pain.

Gladiators were gods in their time and were allowed liberties no other slaves would have been granted; women and boys were brought to them when their masters were pleased with the results of that day's games. They had the best places to live, the best food, the first and best of everything among their social peers. And when the gladiator is no longer profitable they were tossed aside like garbage.

Sounds a lot like your standard collegiate or professional sports league, doesn't it?

So how can we be surprised that in a culture that systematically devalues the people upon who it profits people like Jerry Sandusky are allowed to thrive for decades?

He gave the people bread and circuses and helped bring in huge profits for his team. In return they allowed him to prey on little boys.

I'm just surprised it took this long for something like this to be uncovered.

I Hesitated...

...before I posted about this subject. I thought long and hard about it. Then I thought, "it's my blog and anyone who doesn't like what I have to say can fuck right off." So here we go.

I am the child of a parent who committed suicide. This information will inform the rest of what I write. So last night one of the people on a board I frequent post what appeared to many people to be a serious intention to commit suicide. So we mobilized.

The person who made the post is OK. That person is not the subject of this blog post.

Here's the subject: As a result of the threat the person who made the it got a welfare check, That's what happens when someone makes a suicide threat. That person is very angry as a result of the welfare check. I understand the anger. People who are actively suicidal are selfish by definition. What I find surprising is the number of people who pivoted from "Are you OK? Are you alive?" to "we are so sorry that we ruined your safe space to vent." Frankly I was shocked that there were any people who reacted that way.

Because that reaction is crazy.

The concept of a "safe space," or "private conversations," in a public internet forum is mythical. With the advent of the Wayback Machine every single thing you type on the internet is there forever. So the suicide threat is just out there and if the person making the threat had been serious, our failure to act would have been out there forever.

Aside from that there is the actual tangible concern for the life of someone in need. And, you know, the direct knowledge of what happens when someone you love offs themselves.

I found the act of watching people get scolded for making sure someone didn't die to be shocking and horrifying and utter bullshit.

I realize there's an element of "don't poke the crazy here," and I get that but there's got to also be an element of personal responsibility that some people just dumped as soon as they got the opportunity.

If someone says something that strongly resembles "I might kill myself," in such a way that you can't hear them or see their faces moral people have an obligation to take that information on its face. Anger about that fact is clearly misdirected as is sympathy with that anger.

We Didn't Star the Fire

Some of the people reading this are too young to get the title reference.

So Sunday is the International Transgender Day of Remembrance. Did you know that? Yeah me either which is a shame because this is something that is worth remembering. Trans folks are at the very bottom of the heap of people who are oppressed, actually oppressed as opposed to the bullshit I talked about last night. But honestly, I'm not in a position to talk about that. I'm not trans. I'm female and mixed race and not Christian and bi but I'm not trans. I'm not going to try and speak for trans people.

I am, however, going to speak to the people in the comments of the two articles I read today. Fuck you. I'm not talking about the assholes who just hate everyone. I'm specifically talking to the people who reply to the pain and fear and very justified anger in oppressed communities with what they think is helpful advice; "don't be so angry." Once again, fuck you.


That is one of the most insidious ways in which people protected their privilege by devaluing the feelings of those people with less privilege. They try to change the discussion from what was said or done to the attitude of the person who is pointing out the problem. Part of it is the way that so many people react to anger . People avoid it and try to deflect or overcome it. That's fine. But when people scope-lock on the tone and the attitude, rather than the content of a message it's clear that the listeners don't care about the message. They want to control the conversation to the point where the person suffering from whatever "ism" happens to be on display shut the hell up and put on a happy face.

Once again, fuck you. What that becomes is a demand that people who are suffering lie about their suffering for the comfort of the people who benefit from or cause that suffering. On behalf of all the people who have to deal with this, NO. Not playing that role for you and when you ask me I am much more likely to get even more angry right up in your face. You have been warned.